I read this letter this morning, which was written by a fellow POTSy friend. It is beautifully written, honest, and REAL. I found that it reflected a lot of what I have also tried to express to others this past year about having POTS. I encourage you to read Susan's letter if you have the time. As tears streamed down my face as I read, I just kept thinking, "Thank you, Susan," for putting into words the emotions that come with redefining life after being diagnosed with this crazy thing called Dysautonomia.
http://dysautonomiadetour.blogspot.com/2011/07/with-me.html
Friday, July 22, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Heat and Tunes
The heat can break any time now. I have been experiencing a whole new level of fatigue lately and I am convinced that it is because of this ungodly heat. It's really weird because even when I am in the air conditioning, it feels like my body still knows that the heat index is 105 degrees.
Just something else I am learning. Extreme heat + POTS = Bad combo for me.
So glad to see relief is in sight by Monday.
Since I have been spending a lot of time in the AC, I have been trying to work on a few pretty exciting projects, as well as immersing myself in music. Here's a few of my favorite tunes right now...
Random post, I know.
Just something else I am learning. Extreme heat + POTS = Bad combo for me.
So glad to see relief is in sight by Monday.
Since I have been spending a lot of time in the AC, I have been trying to work on a few pretty exciting projects, as well as immersing myself in music. Here's a few of my favorite tunes right now...
"You win some, you lose some, you let it go."
Random post, I know.
Monday, July 18, 2011
POTS in Toledo Round 2
Last Monday, Brad and I traveled to Toledo to see the infamous Dr. Grubb. When I was first diagnosed with POTS, I researched Dysautonomia like crazy. Dr. Grubb's name kept coming up over and over again. From there, I read many of his research papers about POTS and other types of Dysautonomia.
I made it my mission to see him after I was diagnosed, so I called his office back in November, and the very nice nurse explained that I would have to wait more than a year for an appointment. However, she explained that I could see the NP, Beverly, in about 4-6 months. I told her I was totally fine with that. Therefore, at the beginning of December I faxed the office all of my test results and diagnosis paperwork. In March, I was called to set up my first appointment with Bev for April. On April 20th, I saw Bev for the first time.
You can read about my appointment here.
Dr. Grubb believes that my Midodrine (it constricts my blood vessels) may be wearing off too soon. He wants me to experiment with taking it more frequently to see if this helps with hopefully not needing to lay down and put my feet up as much. (I was told not to lay down while on it, because it may spike my blood pressure too high).
I am to take Propranalol just once a day.
Dr. Grubb explained that there are so many factors that can affect the Autonomic Nervous System, and therefore POTS. Weather, viruses, amounts of rest, altitude, stress, hormones...
Dr. Grubb reiterated that reconditioning is key to improving the quality of my life. The better my body is reconditioned, the better my muscles will serve as a back-up for my stretchy blood vessels. He told me about one study that showed that some patients with POTS had success using a rowing machine because it is a full body workout, as well as a sitting down workout. He explained that when blood pools, most pools in the stomach, and some pools in the legs. Therefore, strengthening the core and leg muscles is very important.
We talked a lot about me working again. Dr. Grubb said he truly believes that I have made the progress I have, because I took the year off from teaching and solely concentrated on my health. He did say that if I go back to work, it is so important to realize that a) I do not have the same kind of life anymore and b) I must ease back into it to try it and see how I handle the working world with both POTS and EDS.
He was honest. He was knowledgeable. He was helpful. He knew what I needed to hear, and how direct to be with me. He was human. He was emotional. And he showed me that it was okay for me to be all of those things too.
When I went out to get the mail today, this is what was waiting for me...
I made it my mission to see him after I was diagnosed, so I called his office back in November, and the very nice nurse explained that I would have to wait more than a year for an appointment. However, she explained that I could see the NP, Beverly, in about 4-6 months. I told her I was totally fine with that. Therefore, at the beginning of December I faxed the office all of my test results and diagnosis paperwork. In March, I was called to set up my first appointment with Bev for April. On April 20th, I saw Bev for the first time.
You can read about my appointment here.
At the end of my appointment with Bev, she said she wanted me back in 3 months to see Dr. Grubb. I must have had a confused look on my face because she asked, "Is that okay?" I of course said it was okay but I explained that I thought I still had to wait months until I was able to see him because of his long waiting list. She told me that because I am now an established patient, I could make an appointment with him next week if I wanted to. Nice.
So, that brings you up to date to last Monday's appointment.
Brad and I had an uneventful drive. Knowing that Dr. Grubb spends a lot of time with his patients, I knew to bring along books and magazines. My appointment was at 11:00 and at 12:45 I was called back. I saw Bev in the hall, and she hugged me and said, "You are seeing Dr. Grubb, right?" I told her I was and she gave me a thumbs up. So welcoming.
Once we were in the room, a medical student (on his very first day with Dr. Grubb) came in and asked me many questions about my history. He asked what I wanted to go over with Dr. Grubb, and I showed him my very long list of questions. His eyes grew a little wide and said, "I'll tell Dr. Grubb, you have a variety of things you would like to talk about." Ha! I had only been writing down questions for the last month.
After the medical student left, I could hear him talking to Dr. Grubb about me in the hallway. A few minutes later, they both came in. Dr. Grubb introduced himself and shook our hands. I felt like saying, "You don't have to introduce yourself; I have been stalking your research and work for months now," but I decided against that. I didn't want to scare him off in the first minute :)
He sat next me and asked, "So, how have you been?" I told him each day is a roller coaster~That I have bad POTS days and better POTS days. I explained how inconsistent everything is for me. He stopped me, and said point blank, "And, that's how it's going to be."
Honestly, I was taken aback by his reply. I think I had placed Dr. Grubb in an unfair, superhero-like role in my mind, where I was hoping he was going to walk right in and tell me the secret to make POTS go away, and/or give me the magic POTS pill to make everything all better. This was so not the case.
I asked, "So then how do I get back to my life when everything is so inconsistent." This is the first of many times he went over the following with me through the course of the appointment: Dr. Grubb made it very clear that POTS is a chronic illness. It does not go away, especially when EDS is the cause, so the most important thing that I can do is realize that the life I had pre-POTS is not coming back. I must embrace that life is different for me now, and I will either learn to live with POTS, or I will constantly butt heads with it.
This was not the magic pill I was looking for.
It was honestly a hard pill to swallow.
But it was one that I needed regardless.
Dr. Grubb explained further that I must learn to live AROUND POTS, just like any other chronic illness. He reiterated the fact that it is important to still live, and enjoy life, but living will just require more planning, and more discipline, and more limits. Boy, have I learned that along the way.
With that, he pulled up some slides and went over a lot of the history about Dysautonomia. I could not believe that POTS has been documented since the 1200's. Dr. Grubb showed me one painting from hundreds of years ago of a woman laying down, looking sick, while a doctor was taking her pulse. The painting showed blood pooling into the woman's hand. It was called "The Pale Disorder." So, so interesting.
After discussing a lot about what POTS is, we got to the nitty gritty about me and how POTS is affecting me.
(Remember, I am not a doctor. This is my best attempt at recapping my appointment, so I apologize in advance if some of the information/medical stuff I write about is inaccurate. Also, this information and treatment plan is meant for my personal use only).
I asked...
*How do I take Midodrine more frequently if I cannot lay down while I take it, and I find that I need to lay down during various times in the day? Also, how many times am I to take my Beta Blocker, Propranalol?
*I asked if it makes sense that my POTS is worse on days I have more neck pain, more GI problems, when I am on my period, and when I am not well rested?
As far as my GI problems goes, he explained that a lot of my blood is most likely pooling in my stomach, which affects my GI tract. Also, he explained that digesting food takes 1/3 of my energy so it is crucial that I try and eat smaller meals. As far as my neck pain goes, he explained that there could be some compression issues going on, as well, as the fact that the neck area already has a small blood supply. I asked if he has had patients who have had C1-C2 fusions, and if so, has it helped their POTS symptoms because of the cranio-cervical instability caused by EDS? It was Dr. Grubb's thinking that the surgery would not make a difference either way. However, he did say, that he has not had enough experiences to really know for sure.
*I asked about exercising, and his thoughts about the best exercises to do for POTS.
Besides the rowing machine, he mentioned using a recumbent bike, and swimming. Just like EDS, he explained that building myself up will continue to be slow going, but is something I must always stick with. (I credit reconditioning for the progress I have made since last summer, so I totally agree with him from my own personal experience).
*I asked if it is better to push through the sickness and fatigue, or to rest and recover?
Dr. Grubb told me to not push through it...to rest, get some recovery time, and then get back to whatever I am doing.
*Dr. Grubb's opinion on pregnancy:
Dr. Grubb actually just finished researching POTS and pregnancy and was able to give me a copy of his findings. Basically, he feels that it is totally possible with a high risk doctor and weekly check ups. He told me that I can take Propranalol and Midodrine while pregnant, and that POTS symptoms are dealt with as they come up. He did explain that if I choose to get pregnant, it is so important to nurse, so I do not have a sudden hormone change after pregnancy, because this could send POTS into a tailspin. He explained that nursing prevents a drastic hormonal change, and therefore the change in hormones is gradual, which is much easier on a person with Dysautonomia. He explained that the second trimester is usually the best, with the first being the worst. He explained that the third trimester often depends on the size of the woman's uterus.
*The working world...
*All of the "others"...
- Drinking lots of water is imperative.
- I am on the right track. The only thing for me to change right now is to experiment taking more Midodrine, and come back in 3 months.
- Yes, I should get a medical ID bracelet.
- I throw up a lot because of the blood vessel stretchiness in my stomach, and because my bowels do not move like they should. Dr. Grubb wrote me a prescription for Zofran for nausea.
- "There is no way the woman you were is coming back. Let go of that idea." ~Dr. Grubb
- I am not severe enough to benefit from consistent IV treatments.
- If I need it, my course of treatment can be modified and my meds can be increased. "This is not all there is."
- Each POTS person is different! This is exactly why I see Bev and Dr. Grubb. They recognize that there is not a "one size fits all" treatment plan for Dysautonomia.
My reaction to the appointment...
When we were talking about exercising, all of my emotions caught up with me. When I told him how I used to run, I just lost it. It was really interesting because, right in that moment Dr. Grubb became less of a doctor and more of a friend. His whole demeanor softened, and he shared with me very personal details about how "life" has also happened to him, and that he knows how hard it can be to lose the life you once knew. He asked if I was seeing a psychiatrist, and I told him I was.
He explained how he has been on the sick side AND the caretaker side, and talked to Brad a lot about how he believes it is harder to be on the caretaker side of things. I appreciated it so much that Dr. Grubb took the time to acknowledge Brad's feelings and emotions too. We talked a lot about the importance of adaptation. We also talked about the blessings that can come out of hard situations. When I left, Dr. Grubb hugged me, and told me it was going to be okay.
As we walked out of the office, I felt absolutely DRAINED. I cried for the rest of the day. I did not answer one phone call. I kept beating myself up because most people would have said it was a great appointment.
Because...
I am on the right track. I received hope for pregnancy and work. I don't need the involved, major POTS treatments. Dr. Grubb had just spent 2.5 hours helping me, and showing me what an incredible man he really is.
But after a while, it dawned on me as to why I was so upset. I was grieving my old life. Although I appreciated his direct honesty, Dr. Grubb's words had hit me much harder than I thought at the time~the idea that the life I once knew is not coming back.
I have now had a week to process it all. I have come to the conclusion that this grieving is normal, but it still doesn't make it any easier. But in the last week, I have also thought that maybe, just maybe, this new life is not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it's a blessing, and through my grieving, I will come to see that more and more. I always say that it's all about perspective.
It's a funny thing as I think about it more and more. Dr. Grubb was not who I imagined him to be. He was not the superhero that swooped down from the Heavens and saved me from this thing called POTS.
He was more than that.
Dr. Grubb again knew what I needed. And his timing was impeccable.
Maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe Dr. Grubb really is what a superhero is all about...
Someone who swoops down and shows you pure kindness, that they care, and that you're never alone.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Five For Friday 7/15/11
1. Medical Stuff:
3. Brad and I became official, registered members at St. Johns Student Parish. I feel like we've found a "church home."
4. On Wednesday, Theresa and I went to the East Lansing Aquatic Center. I LOVE that place and I LOVE that girl.
5. Brad and I are in Minnesota with great friends (which is why this is so short). We are here to watch Eric and Teal get hitched tomorrow! I will post about our adventures when we return!
- I had my follow up POTS appointment with Dr. Grubb in Toledo. I need a chunk of time (as well as some time to really process the info and my emotions) to post about the appointment. I will get to it as soon as I can find a good amount of time + a good amount of energy.
- 1 Day of PT
- 2 Days of Home Rehab
- I've needed a new neck this week! Anyone have one they want to give me?
3. Brad and I became official, registered members at St. Johns Student Parish. I feel like we've found a "church home."
4. On Wednesday, Theresa and I went to the East Lansing Aquatic Center. I LOVE that place and I LOVE that girl.
5. Brad and I are in Minnesota with great friends (which is why this is so short). We are here to watch Eric and Teal get hitched tomorrow! I will post about our adventures when we return!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
50 Goals Progress Report 6 1/2 Months In
We are more than halfway through 2011. Crazy. I figured it was time to revisit my goals and see where I am.
Goals are a beautiful thing. They keep me focused and driven. They keep me pressing on. I am thankful for my many years as an athlete where we were expected to set goals regularly and keep track of our progress. Goals keep me in the zone.
Dr. Lavallee told me at the end of my appointment in January to make sure I have goals set; both long-term and short term. He stressed that is always important to be working towards something; especially when illness is involved. I couldn't agree more.
It is interesting to look back and see the goals I set for myself back in January. It is also interesting to look at the new goals I have set for myself 6 months later. I have definitely learned that goals must be flexible and at times need to be altered as life happens.
Anyways, here is my "mid-year" goals progress report.
1. Go back to work. Not yet...working on it!
2. Floss everyday. Started to use the floss picks which are easier for me to use since I only need one hand.
2. Floss everyday. Started to use the floss picks which are easier for me to use since I only need one hand.
3. Eat more vegetables. Especially green ones. Still doing better. It is easier for me to eat veggies in the summer.
4. Help more people with EDS and POTS awareness; especially people who have either disorder. I have been updating my blog with things I have learned along the way. I have received some positive feedback from other EDS'rs, POTSies, my family, and some friends that the information has helped them learn and understand the disorders too. I'm still learning too!
5. Be able to stand up for most of the U2 concert when we go in June. Yup! I wrote about it here.
6. Find a way to exercise regularly. Walking? Swimming? Pilates? Therapy and home rehab right now are my main sources of exercise with the recumbent bike, small amounts of Elliptical and treadmill work, a lot of strengthening exercises, and the Pilates Reformer. I still need to get swimming!
7. Choreograph a dance. Not yet...I have danced more, but have not choreographed an actual dance yet. I have decided that I also want Allie to be here to help me.
8. Convince my Dad to paint us a picture for our home. He's not budging yet.
9. Finish the kitchen. Got a new ceiling fan. We put the countertop and appliances on hold for now, unless we find a money tree.
10. New closet doors. We bought the wrong doors. Back to square one. (*Sigh*).
11. Landscape! I've weeded! Don't laugh.
12. Decide about prolotherapy. I will have my 7th treatment at the end of July.
13. Meet Lisa Gigliotti. I met Lisa May 3rd at Schuler's Bookstore. She has changed my life.
14. Continue date nights every Thursday night. Still going strong!
15. See someone new in concert (besides U2)...Great Big Sea? Ray Lamontagne? Lady Gaga? I saw Chris Trapper and Colin Hay. I wrote about it here.
16. Continue posting regularly on my blog, and learn how to give my blog a makeover. (Anyone know how?) Posting regularly: Check! Makeover: Coming very soon!
17. Figure out a plan for starting a family. Still having many conversations with Brad and my medical team.
18. Read more books for pleasure. I'm doing better than 3 months ago. Reading Signs of Life right now.
19. Go to the Ehlers-Danlos National Conference in Baltimore in July. I decided it's just not in the cards for me this year for a variety of reasons.
20. Spend less money on eating out. We still need improvement, but I am becoming the restaurant coupon queen.
21. Learn how to cook more meals. I have cooked Pesto Ravioli, Spinach Lasagna, a Mexican casserole, and pulled pork. Thank you Real Simple magazine for being real simple.
22. Get out of my cervical collar for good! I am wearing it less at this point thanks to prolotherapy and PT. I now only need it once in a while.
23. Finish contacting all gymnastics clubs in the country about special needs classes for Gymnastics Doctor Autism Foundation. This is still on hold until more contact information can be obtained.
24. Go to Silver Bells. Have to wait until December (or November?) I can't remember.
25. See Dr. Grubb. I saw Bev, his NP, April 20th, and I saw Dr. Grubb yesterday. More on my visit with Dr. Grubb soon. This post is about my visit with Bev in April.
26. Find a new PCP I love. After a lot of research, I did find one. He's awesome and so willing to learn.
27. Decorate our walls throughout our house. Not yet, but I definitely have more of a vision than I did in January.
28. Visit Kristen, Jake, and Cecilia in Philly. I've been twice in the last few months.
29. Spend a lot of time at the beach this summer. We've been a few times so far; especially to Grand Haven.
30. Eat more anti-inflammatory foods. I need to get back on track.
31. Take my supplements regularly. FAIL. I have no excuses.
32. Use more coupons. Much better! Just once, I want to do an Extreme Couponing grocery trip.
33. Get life insurance. We have it through the school district, but we need to research other policies more.
34. Start a will. Not yet.
35. Have a big send off for Andy when he departs for basic training and OCS without having too severe of a mental breakdown. This was a SUCCESS! I only had a minor meltdown.
36. Buy Skechers Shape Up Boots. The word on the street is they are GREAT for people who have both EDS and POTS. I got the shape up shoes. I actually had a hard time getting used to them. They made me feel like my ankles are rolling. I've only worn them twice. But I did get new Mizuno's recently!
37. Officially join St. John's Student Parish. Brad and I became official members last Sunday!
38. Have a garage sale. I'm organized and ready to price. The problem is finding a date that works for three families. It looks like possibly September will be our garage sale month.
39. Celebrate my 30th in a healthy, happy way! 3 months away! How the heck did that happen?!
40. Say "I Love You" more and give more hugs to all of my loved ones. Yup. Love this goal.
41. Make friends with our neighbors. Not yet. I want to tell them that we really are friendly! We just have a private street, I guess. Maybe I need to make cookies!
42. Go away somewhere special with Brad for a few days, just us. Dreaming of an up north getaway for a few days in August.
43. Take more pictures. Yup. I desperately need to clean out my camera!
44. Learn how to make my Dad's spaghetti sauce. Not yet. I plan to videotape this on our Flipcam.
45. Learn something creative like sewing, jewelry making, or card making. I have decided that I put the little creativity I have into writing and I am okay with that. I would love to get into photography though.
46. Organize the basement. It's looking better and better! We are getting there!
47. Dama-Herner Summer Vacation. Just a few weeks away! Woot! Woot!
48. Walk up to receive communion at church regularly. I've come so far on this one. Even reading that I made this a goal puts a lot in perspective for me.
49. Get better at recycling everything that can be recycled. Improving, but yes, Brad still gets after me on this one.
50. Pay the kindness forward that has been shown to me. A lifelong work in progress! This will never be a goal I will just be able to check off.
7. Choreograph a dance. Not yet...I have danced more, but have not choreographed an actual dance yet. I have decided that I also want Allie to be here to help me.
8. Convince my Dad to paint us a picture for our home. He's not budging yet.
9. Finish the kitchen. Got a new ceiling fan. We put the countertop and appliances on hold for now, unless we find a money tree.
10. New closet doors. We bought the wrong doors. Back to square one. (*Sigh*).
11. Landscape! I've weeded! Don't laugh.
12. Decide about prolotherapy. I will have my 7th treatment at the end of July.
13. Meet Lisa Gigliotti. I met Lisa May 3rd at Schuler's Bookstore. She has changed my life.
14. Continue date nights every Thursday night. Still going strong!
15. See someone new in concert (besides U2)...Great Big Sea? Ray Lamontagne? Lady Gaga? I saw Chris Trapper and Colin Hay. I wrote about it here.
16. Continue posting regularly on my blog, and learn how to give my blog a makeover. (Anyone know how?) Posting regularly: Check! Makeover: Coming very soon!
17. Figure out a plan for starting a family. Still having many conversations with Brad and my medical team.
18. Read more books for pleasure. I'm doing better than 3 months ago. Reading Signs of Life right now.
19. Go to the Ehlers-Danlos National Conference in Baltimore in July. I decided it's just not in the cards for me this year for a variety of reasons.
20. Spend less money on eating out. We still need improvement, but I am becoming the restaurant coupon queen.
21. Learn how to cook more meals. I have cooked Pesto Ravioli, Spinach Lasagna, a Mexican casserole, and pulled pork. Thank you Real Simple magazine for being real simple.
22. Get out of my cervical collar for good! I am wearing it less at this point thanks to prolotherapy and PT. I now only need it once in a while.
23. Finish contacting all gymnastics clubs in the country about special needs classes for Gymnastics Doctor Autism Foundation. This is still on hold until more contact information can be obtained.
24. Go to Silver Bells. Have to wait until December (or November?) I can't remember.
25. See Dr. Grubb. I saw Bev, his NP, April 20th, and I saw Dr. Grubb yesterday. More on my visit with Dr. Grubb soon. This post is about my visit with Bev in April.
26. Find a new PCP I love. After a lot of research, I did find one. He's awesome and so willing to learn.
27. Decorate our walls throughout our house. Not yet, but I definitely have more of a vision than I did in January.
28. Visit Kristen, Jake, and Cecilia in Philly. I've been twice in the last few months.
29. Spend a lot of time at the beach this summer. We've been a few times so far; especially to Grand Haven.
30. Eat more anti-inflammatory foods. I need to get back on track.
31. Take my supplements regularly. FAIL. I have no excuses.
32. Use more coupons. Much better! Just once, I want to do an Extreme Couponing grocery trip.
33. Get life insurance. We have it through the school district, but we need to research other policies more.
34. Start a will. Not yet.
35. Have a big send off for Andy when he departs for basic training and OCS without having too severe of a mental breakdown. This was a SUCCESS! I only had a minor meltdown.
36. Buy Skechers Shape Up Boots. The word on the street is they are GREAT for people who have both EDS and POTS. I got the shape up shoes. I actually had a hard time getting used to them. They made me feel like my ankles are rolling. I've only worn them twice. But I did get new Mizuno's recently!
37. Officially join St. John's Student Parish. Brad and I became official members last Sunday!
38. Have a garage sale. I'm organized and ready to price. The problem is finding a date that works for three families. It looks like possibly September will be our garage sale month.
39. Celebrate my 30th in a healthy, happy way! 3 months away! How the heck did that happen?!
40. Say "I Love You" more and give more hugs to all of my loved ones. Yup. Love this goal.
41. Make friends with our neighbors. Not yet. I want to tell them that we really are friendly! We just have a private street, I guess. Maybe I need to make cookies!
42. Go away somewhere special with Brad for a few days, just us. Dreaming of an up north getaway for a few days in August.
43. Take more pictures. Yup. I desperately need to clean out my camera!
44. Learn how to make my Dad's spaghetti sauce. Not yet. I plan to videotape this on our Flipcam.
45. Learn something creative like sewing, jewelry making, or card making. I have decided that I put the little creativity I have into writing and I am okay with that. I would love to get into photography though.
46. Organize the basement. It's looking better and better! We are getting there!
47. Dama-Herner Summer Vacation. Just a few weeks away! Woot! Woot!
48. Walk up to receive communion at church regularly. I've come so far on this one. Even reading that I made this a goal puts a lot in perspective for me.
49. Get better at recycling everything that can be recycled. Improving, but yes, Brad still gets after me on this one.
50. Pay the kindness forward that has been shown to me. A lifelong work in progress! This will never be a goal I will just be able to check off.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Good Times Around the Bend
Many people often comment on how positive I am. I do pride myself on the fact that I usually can find a silver lining in hard situations, and I don't take myself too seriously.
But tonight I am struggling.
Not because I had a bad day, or a bad POTS appointment. In fact, I saw Dr. Grubb today, and my appointment went well, and I have to say that Dr. Grubb truly is an incredible man.
But sometimes life smacks you in the face and it is overwhelming. And exhausting. And you feel vulnerable and defeated.
I know it is temporary. I know I will regain perspective. I am strong and I am tough. Tomorrow will be better. There are good times around the bend....Great times around the bend.
But every once in a while, I believe that it is okay to be human and admit that you are having a hard time. Tonight is one of those nights.
Brad always plays me this song...
Sometimes "the roller coaster's gotta to roll to the bottom, if you want to climb to the top again."
But tonight I am struggling.
Not because I had a bad day, or a bad POTS appointment. In fact, I saw Dr. Grubb today, and my appointment went well, and I have to say that Dr. Grubb truly is an incredible man.
But sometimes life smacks you in the face and it is overwhelming. And exhausting. And you feel vulnerable and defeated.
I know it is temporary. I know I will regain perspective. I am strong and I am tough. Tomorrow will be better. There are good times around the bend....Great times around the bend.
But every once in a while, I believe that it is okay to be human and admit that you are having a hard time. Tonight is one of those nights.
Brad always plays me this song...
Sometimes "the roller coaster's gotta to roll to the bottom, if you want to climb to the top again."
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Five For Friday +1...7/8/11
1. Medical Stuff
- 1 Day of PT. Had a re-eval and made a few new goals.
- 2 Days of Home Rehab.
- Had my monthly Larry appointment. We talked a lot about future goals, while he did some gentle manipulative medicine on my neck.
- I saw Dr. Rosen. To be honest there was not much of a theme to this appointment. Even though I was all over the place, I still think I sorted a few things out in my crazy, jumbled up mind. It always helps me to be able to really talk things through.
2. A lesson I learned this week: I am never too old to receive a teddy bear to do list with my name checked off by my Mama. :)
3. Watch out Steven Tyler! I got feathers too! My hair stylist convinced me to try a couple feathers. I fought her on this until I found a purple one. Then I was all about it. You only live once, right?!
By the way, when I walked in the house, Brad said, "What the heck is in your hair? That is NOT normal." He'll warm up.
4. Here is reason number 1,000 why I think my EDS doctor rocks...
This is his
5. And now, here comes my excuse for not posting yesterday....I was on the phone with my brother until 1 AM last night, catching up and hearing his exciting news. Once I got off the phone, any blogging I was planning on doing fell by the wayside, and it was straight to bed for me.
Anyways, now I get to be the bragging, proud sister, since Andy would never tell people how well he is doing at OCS, for the fear of coming off cocky.
After six weeks of OCS, Andy is now a senior officer candidate. Last week he was in charge of his platoon and received rave reviews. After his week of leading, all of the candidates had to choose their Army career path. They were shown the positions available and were allowed to choose their future careers based on their rank. Andy found out he is currently ranked 8th out of 120. Not bad at all! After much thought, Andy chose "Military Intelligence Branch Detail Infantry." Basically this means that he will do Infantry for three years, and then have the option of working in Military Intelligence. There were only three positions like this available, and the third position was taken by the 9th ranked officer candidate.
The best part about Andy's news was the pride I heard in his voice as he told me what he chose for his career path. I really don't think I have ever heard him this happy. I just love that boy.
His next stop after 6 more weeks of OCS? Ranger school!
+1. I got Brad to see Bridesmaids with me!
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