Breathe In, Breathe Out

WARNING:  What you are about to read is not full of positivity.   

 I promised the good, the bad, and the ugly, and today is just one of those days where I hope getting it out in writing will give me a dose of therapy I need.

Overwhelmed. With. Life.  That pretty much sums it for me.  I hit a wall yesterday and Brad ordered me to bedrest today.  I think I experienced yesterday what Dr. Tinkle was talking about when he said Type A people usually struggle the most.

Because I love the Christmas season and everything that goes along with it, I have been forcing my body to keep up with the hustle and bustle of the season.  I have expected my body to be able to do what it usually does at Christmas time which is go, go, go.  I was managing okay until yesterday.  The neck pain and instability got so bad I was soon crying my eyes out while laying on my parent's floor because the headache that goes with the pain and instability was so intense.  And then the puking started.  The headache was making me so nauseous that I could not stop throwing up.  Secretly, I think the puking was Dr. Tinkle whispering in my ear, I told you so. 

So today I am laying here, obeying my body and my husband, wondering how it will all get done.  I do not like the fact that my body is winning.  It used to be so simple~I would tell my body what I needed it to do and it would listen.  I HATE that I have to slow down and I HATE that I have to miss out on things.

As I am laying here on my massage pillow, I am wondering how I will get to the store to get that stupid can opener and the Spartan hat for Brad's stocking, and how everything will get wrapped. 

The having a family issue is on my mind all of the time, and how that will ever work out. 

I am thinking a lot about scheduling a consultation with the neck surgeon just to see what he says and that is so scary to me. 

I started physical therapy today, and although that is a GREAT, I am worrying about how I am going to get to and from therapy on my bad days. 

I am worrying about the tingling I am getting in my hand when I move my head a certain way.

I am stressed that it takes so long to get into Dr. Grubb. 

Most of all, I think I am realizing that EDS is here to stay and POTS is not going away anytime soon. 

I am angry at POTS and EDS today.  I am letting them win, and I don't like it.  That is not like me. 

This is the kind of day I have to dig deep, find my gratitude attitude, and realize it's not so bad.  I need to read Lisa's book, gain some perspective, and remember the reason for the season.  It really is not about can openers. 

While Brad's favorite saying is, "It is what it is," I will use my new favorite saying that it so fitting for the inconsistency of POTS and EDS: THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  And I will count the days until I see Dr. Rosen again......7.